I've been reviewing my old writing journals. It is amusing to see crippling doubt trade blows with giddy enthusiasm over individual writing projects as well as my entire calling as a writer. Last year's journal tells of my Hollywood internship. The hardest and best part of the job was writing reviews (or what they call 'coverage') of the scripts that were submitted to us. My opinions (and how persuasively I wrote them) helped determine if scripts advanced up the ladder. I could read a script and write four pages of good coverage in about half a work day. The bosses asked a lot of me but they valued my opinion.Then, on my last day, I submitted my best script, a theme-park park comedy called AMUSED. I went home and checked my email hourly for two weeks. I envisioned them writing, "Matt, we love Amused!!! Dare we call it genius? We have forwarded it to Judd Apatow's agent--who loves it!--and would like to meet. When can you come to L.A.?" I pictured walking through the production company offices on my terms; not to Xerox seven-hundred page books and make coffee but to talk million dollar deals.
Then I finally got the email response on what was already a nerve-wracking day. I was preparing to do an open mic; I made such a clown of myself at the last one that it took me a year to do another. I opened the email with my schedule book in hand. It was four quick sentences, thrown off with little care and what seemed like a cursory reading of the first five pages of my script. The carrot I'd been chasing for a year was rotten. My blood, sweat and tears had resulted in them thinking my best script was an offensive, pointless piece of crap. Or so it seemed. I wrote this poem:
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REJECTION SLIP
When the voice of the last artist is finally silenced, the world will end.
Without revelation or second chance.
Just the ash of a dead fire,
a line of smoke,
and the smell of burnt garbage.
a line of smoke,
and the smell of burnt garbage.
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That's what I think about the importance of the artist.
I kicked ass at the open mic, by the way.
Matt,
ReplyDeleteYour honesty, transparency and open heart never cease to touch me. No matter what you write you are an amazing teacher. What a blessing to try to model your behavior... like say everyones name, especially the hot dog vendors and the guy with the "need work" sign. Value everyone and be quick to offer the word "mellon" when the kid with special needs can't think of how to say head. Most of all it is fun to see you enjoy it all since we only pass this way once and so briefly. Lastly, because of you I no longer cause grid lock!
ckm
Matt,
ReplyDeleteI thank you for sharing your work with me. Until today, I had no idea that you were a writer. Not only a writer but a honest and gifted one. You clearly detailed the emotional roller coaster that every writer encounters when they put their craft out into the world for judgement. I look forward to reading more of your work. As a fellow writer, I applaud you for your guts. There is glory behind rejection. Unfortunately, it doesn't pay the bills as nicely as a publication deal.
Chanel
Thank you so much for the kind words, Carlene! On the day I wrote that poem, I had to say "when" the last artist is silenced but any other day I'd say "if" (and doubt it would ever happen).
ReplyDeleteRemind me what my gridlock contribution was. I forgot. Too busy trying to remember the name of the hot dog guy, I guess.
Wow, Chanel, thanks! Yeah, glory is good. "Fortune and glory" (as Indiana Jones knows) is even better :) What do you write?
ReplyDeleteThanks Matt - for the invite to comment. You and I haven't connected in some time - I would like to do that. In the meantime - hats off to the commitment you have to pursue what is important to you - you always have. At the same time, it seems you also seek the straight forward approach and leave little doubt as to your perspective on a given topic -- including this one. Others see as I do, some sense and appreciation when presented with honesty and transparency. But that has seemed to be a pattern for you.
ReplyDeleteHope it works out for you - you do have a gift. Hopefully those who can really promote you see that as well.
Jim, thanks for your thoughtful comments. It's good to hear from someone else what they think makes me who I am. It sounds like you really see some transparency (or don't see, you know, 'cause it's transparent :). That's really cool. I don't think of it as a rare thing but maybe it is. I'll try to stay who I am and trust that people will respond to that.
ReplyDeleteYour poem is really touching and powerful. I think you're right about that too- we were put on this Earth to create. And though you may not be famous for your creations (yet), the world is better for them. Your little noggin is filled with a lot of information. :)
ReplyDeleteMatt - Keep writing - I'd like to read more.
ReplyDeleteCool Matt! My sister used to keep her rejection letters by her word processor to motivate her. She sort of gave up, at least for a while. That and your poetry lines made me recount a line of my own. "Tis the dreamer who dies. . . . one dead dream at a time." Just don't let them die man! Love ya brother
ReplyDeletei love everything about you. bite your thumb at the world. write.
ReplyDeletealso make money =)
nice poem too, kinda post-apocolyptic. may i suggest this final line:
"and that's when the zombies come. and eat the brains of the scientists and creationists."
see "ists" rhymes with "ists"
i know you get it.