Tuesday, July 13, 2010

My Authentic Swing


In "The Legend of Bagger Vance" Matt Damon plays a promising golfer who leaves the game to serve in WWI. He returns alive but the traumas of war lead him to a life of cards, drinking and isolation. He abandons his first loves. He loses his swing.

Enter Bagger Vance, Will Smith's caddie. He's wry, brilliant; he may even be an angel. Bagger doesn't teach much in the way of technique but he helps Matt find his authentic swing. It isn't a particular way of golfing, a rule or trick. It's just the unique way Matt was made to swing.

I worry sometimes that I've lost my swing. My fortieth birthday is headed for me like a slow, unavoidable bull and I'm not as far on the journey as I thought I would be. Hearts have been hurt. Projects have been abandoned, and replaced by other abandoned projects. Time has been frittered away. Too many apple fritters have been eaten and too few miles jogged.

I write and record songs but, before I can finish them, the fun is gone. Instead of trusting my ears, I see images of listeners not getting it. My new song, Transform Me Into Any Shape, started with a spark of inspiration on the guitar. Through playful trial and error, chords were chosen and the arrangement solidified. Then I started recording. By the time the first session was over, I didn't like the song anymore. Or, more accurately, I was afraid other people wouldn't.

Then I remembered: it's none of my business (especially at this point in the creative process) what others will think. It's my business to be as good as I can, to be truthful about what I think sounds amazing. As much as I love an audience, my authentic swing doesn't have a thing to do with the people on the sidelines.

If I trust myself, I will find it again.

Here's my new song: